


It’s in his kiss

by rudbeckia



Series: Spookylux Huxloween 2018 [12]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Hux is not well, Huxloween, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mind Reading, Parasites, Psychic Abilities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:58:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16145381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Huxloween day 12. Parasites / mind controlBen gets infected by a parasite and becomes able to read Hux’s mind. He’s surprised by what he finds out about Hux’s mental state and tries to say the right things to help.It really doesn’t.





	It’s in his kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I have given Hux some, but not all, aspects of mental illness that I am familiar with. And I certainly do not intend to imply that Ben can cure him.

The tall, yellowing bracken on either side of the trodden-down path waved and rustled in the slight breeze. Sunlight made dappling, dancing patterns by their feet and somewhere off to the left came the sound of some creature or other, startled by their presence, crashing through the stems to find safety in distance. Ben smiled as a sunbeam flashed in Hux’s coppery hair and, for a moment, he looked like some delicate wood-sprite or willowy forest nymph. Autumn manifest in human form.

“Damnit!”  
Too late, Ben felt the sharp pain and slapped at his arm. Whatever had bitten into his skin and caused the raised, pale lump must have gotten away. He groused about it to Hux, walking just ahead of him through the tall, browning bracken of the hillside.  
“What’s wrong?” Hux said, without turning or slowing. “Do you need to stop?”  
“Hell, no,” replied Ben. “When I said I liked hiking, I meant in early summer before the grass gets too high and the bugs turn nasty. Or on proper, gravelled footpaths. The sooner we get back to civilisation, the better.”  
“Hah!” Hux turned to grin at Ben. “We’ll be there in an hour or so at this pace. Then you can have a bath at the hotel and we can relax or whatever before dinner.”  
Ben grinned back. “I like the sound of _whatever.”_ He looked at his arm where he’d been bitten, expecting to see an angry, red, raised lump. But there was nothing much: just a little browning scab the size of a pinhead. He scratched it and it oozed a tiny drop of blood.  
Hux examined it too and declared that, despite such a horrifying injury, Ben would probably live.

They set off again. Ben followed Hux, admiring the view and letting his mind wander. It was a pleasant day: cool enough to make him shiver if he stood still for too long, but not so cold that he needed a coat. It promised to remain dry and sunny, which Hux had insisted was unusual enough that they simply _had_ to do something outdoors. Ben had suggested a hike and Hux had inflated it to a night away in the proper countryside with a walk, dinner and a hotel, then a drive back next day after an indulgent fried breakfast. Ben smiled at the memory of Hux’s pleading face. He hadn’t really needed that much persuasion.

_...hope he’s not annoyed with me for dragging him all this way..._

Ben frowned at the strange words in his head. Why would he think Hux might be annoyed with him? He’d booked a nice country house hotel with a big four-poster bed and a restaurant that had pretensions.

_...he’s so good for me hope he doesn’t get tired of me like people do..._

Ben’s brow furrowed deeper. Without realising, he slowed to a stop.

_...want him to fuck me in that huge bathtub before dinner..._

Hux paused and looked back. “Are you all right?”  
“Uh?” Ben shook his shoulders and rubbed his neck. “Yeah. Coming. Sorry.”

_...shit he is annoyed shit I’m horrible maybe if I blow him he’ll forgive me..._

“Hux?” Ben stopped and waited for Hux to turn. “Are _you_ all right?”  
“Yes,” said Hux with a shrug. “Why wouldn’t I be?”  
“Oh, no reason,” said Ben. “I just wanted to know if you were okay. I love you, do you know that?”

_...whatwhatwhatwhatwhat did I hear right..._

“I really do and I’m sorry I’ve never said so before. I just kind of thought you’d know.”  
Ben caught up to Hux and held him close. “If we hurry, how quickly do you think we can get back to make, ah, good use of the spa bath?”

_...omigodomigod what do I say... Do I say it back... Do I love him... shitshitshitshitshit..._

“Forty minutes?” said Hux, grinning at Ben.

_...if I say it back is it because I love him or because he said it and I think I should..._

“Let’s get moving,” Ben said, disguising his confusion with a laugh.

_...what does love feel like... what if I say it and I don’t feel it... what if I don’t and he gets upset... Everyone knows I’m a cold unfeeling bastard..._

Ben bit back his annoyance at the voice he was now sure gave him unwanted insights into Hux’s thoughts. It was none of his business but he couldn’t stop the voice from whispering into his head. He didn’t speak for the rest of the walk, giving the excuse that their new pace was challenging enough that he wanted to save the energy. There was little respite from Hux’s negative thoughts and Ben struggled to keep from weeping in despair.

On reaching the hotel, he was assaulted by a barrage of random thoughts from passing guests and staff.

 _he’s huge bet his cock’s huge too_  
_pretty red hair wish mine was_  
_wouldn’t mind being the base of their eiffel tower_  
_shouldn’t be allowed think of the children_  
_have you been bitten_

The last thought, when Ben concentrated, came from the receptionist. He marched over, trailing Hux behind him.  
“Yes.”  
She nodded. “Happens a lot. Should wear off in a couple of days as the parasitic worm burrows into your intestine and—“  
“Stop! Ugh, I can see it. That’s disgusting. Please think about puppies.”  
She laughed and produced a blister pack containing two large, green capsules. “Take these and it’ll weaken and stop over the next hour or so.”  
“What the actual fuck,” said Hux, “is going on?”  
Ben swallowed the capsules with a cup of water from the jug on the reception desk. The receptionist smiled. “We have a local parasitic worm that’s active when the bracken starts to die back. It bites you, burrows into you until it finds your bloodstream, eats its fill, hops off the blood-bus when it reaches your large intestine, lays its eggs and exits with your waste. It has the side effect of making the host able to read the thoughts of the people physically closest to them. Something to do with a chemical that mimics some neurotransmitter or something. I’ve learned to spot people who’ve been infected as soon as they walk into the lobby. Your husband looked like a deer in headlights.”

_...not married nice that she thought we might be..._

Ben smiled. Hux glared, and concentrated hard on reciting the alphabet backwards, listing the counties of England starting with Cornwall and working east then north, and calculating his seventeen-times-table. They reached their room and Ben stood in the centre. From there the only voices in his head were his own and Hux’s.  
“Hux, I didn’t realise at first. I swear, I wasn’t doing it deliberately.”  
_...Northumberland... Cumbria... shit did I miss one..._  
“I’m sorry.”  
_...two seventeens are thirty-four three seventeens are fifty-one..._  
“I meant what I said though. I love you. It’s okay if you don’t say it back. It’s okay if you don’t know how you feel.”  
_...six seventeens are shit this is too easy it’s just ten times table plus seven times table sixty add forty two is a hundred and two..._  
“Have you any idea how incredible you are? I had no idea how much you struggle. It must be exhausting, but you cope so well.”  
Hux gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. Ben heard no words, just the crashing of raw fury.  
“I fucking DON’T! You condescending bastard. You call this ‘coping’? I’m fucking terrified now that you see me for what I am. That you’ll hate me and you’ll leave. I probably deserve it. I drive everyone away eventually. I wish I could just shut up and smile and have you not know.”  
Ben leapt across the room and held Hux tight. “I won’t leave because of this. I’ve seen what’s in your mind and I’m still here because I want to be with you. It’s wearing off, honeybee, I promise I can’t hear you in my head any more.”  
_...thank fuck... bet he won’t want to touch me now I’m a fuckup... did I take my meds this morning think I did didn’t did..._  
Hux spoke quietly into the fabric of Ben’s shirt. “Don’t you dare pity me, Ben Solo.”  
Ben resisted the urge to respond to Hux’s private thoughts. “Tell you what,” he said. “The last couple of hours have been tough on us. I’ll fill the tub and we can share a bath, hm? No pressure. Just relax and see what happens. We could go to the restaurant or we could order room service dinners and watch TV. I’d like to kiss you now.”

Hux turned his face towards Ben and Ben kissed him softly. Hux’s mind quieted for a few seconds before thoughts crowded back. But Ben only eavesdropped on one more thought before the anti-parasitic medication took effect and his head cleared.  
_...is this what being in love feels like don’t know it’s nice_


End file.
